Memories of Grammar School

It wasn't a sharp stabbing pain

It was a pressure

In the middle of my chest

That became a throbbing pain

Radiating up my left carotid artery

And into my left shoulder

But now I have

Those stabbing pains

Some are soft little stabs

Like the girl with pigtails

At the next desk

Stabbing me with her pencil

She didn't break the skin

Or only a little

But it hurt nonetheless

And the girls at that age

Were often bigger than the boys

And even if they weren't

You weren't allowed to hit them

Although they hit me

And each other

And their brother

(I went to a rough grammar school)

But I digress

I'm feeling stress

Now that I've had my heart attack

I lack the courage to say "what the hell"

To the occasional stabbing pains

In my chest

Under the left rib

They scare me

And cause me pause

I make my breathing shallow

And I look for a place to sit

And wish it never happened

And wait for it to go away

But it never really goes away

It's always there

Lurking

Under my ribs

Or in the middle

Of my back

And I take a deep breath

To check on it

See if the pain is still there

And just when I think it's gone

It hits me again

Like regret